What the hell is a Coca-Cola submissive?

copyright Cindi Smith

Fair warning to all readers: I am about to get up on my soap box. A submissive reader of the blog sent me this question. I had no idea what a Coca-Cola submissive was and so I reached out to the community to find out. When I received some responses back I hit the fucking roof. The best definition I could come up with is: A submissive who only obeys the easy stuff or only when he/she feels like it.


Why does this piss me off? First off it belittles any submission that the submissive gives. It attributes an attitude to the submissive that is callous and not appropriate for a Dominant/ submissive relationship. It makes any failings in the relationship about the submissive. Let’s put this whole idea in a different light.

As I have shared about my own life, relationships fail. I have been closed mouthed about my failed relationships because, as a Master once told me, “family business stays at home”. With that being said, I am sure that people close to me or to the men in my failed relationships will have opinions about the two people involved in the relationships. That is human nature. But when those opinions turn into comments like the Coca-Cola submissive one, I think things have gone too far.

The comment wasn’t made about me. The reader with the question is new to my blog. He is also new to the leather/BDSM world. I would be infuriated if two “dominants” said this about my reader within his hearing. The truth of the matter is that it was two “boys” having this discussion right next to the reader. The “boys” were relegating the reader to the flotsam that lies outside our community. They have decided he is not worthy of the community. They have decided his “boyness” is not at the appropriate level.

As I am standing on my soapbox, all I can say is HORSESHIT! All too often in the community, certain elements try to belittle those who come to the community to learn to supposedly better themselves. Talk about someone’s play and decide if you want to play with them. Discuss someone’s personal honor, integrity, and knowledge and decide if you want to be friendly with them. Do not impugn someone’s desire and drive. We all grow. Allow growth to happen. It is my opinion, and yes it is just my opinion, that a slave’s “spirit”, a boy’s “boyness”, a Master’s “authority” are always and only a positive. It should be used to show admiration or that you are pleased with that person’s essence, what makes them tick. Too often our community has wielded the bat of “you aren’t boy enough” to crush those who have come to us for guidance. If a person’s “spirit” is so distasteful, lead by example and show a generous “spirit”.

Okay, I am off the soapbox. Let’s all have a Coke and a smile. I promise the next blog will be about something fun.