Reading a submissive

Many of the things that make a good Dominant have nothing to do with the actual BDSM act. The right looks and presence helps. The Dominants that everyone wants to play with have an ability to read a submissive well.

Let me explain what I mean by reading a submissive. We all give off body postures and non-verbal clues to how we are doing. Of a good Dominant, a submissive will say “He knew when ratchet up the intensity and when to lessen it without asking me.” Nothing disturbs a scene more than a Dominant stopping and asking if the submissive is okay. There are definite times when that need to be done but doing it repeatedly is a bad thing.

The key to reading the submissive is speaking with them ahead of time about their experiences and mindset. This will allow you to stay away from hot button issues. The second thing to realize is that every submissive reacts differently to pain and discipline. I do not cause pain to Pup Dave in the same way that I cause pain to Boy Jake. Read the body language. The submissive will normally become more physically aggravated when he is not enjoying or dislikes what is going on.

I enjoy looking into the eyes of a submissive when he submits to me. I can read a lot of things out of the eyes. I can see where the submissive is going internally by their eyes.

Let me give you an example. My boy is very submissive to me (go figure). Even if I did something terribly out of line with our contract or human decency, he is not going to challenge me on it. What I do know is that as long as he is getting out of the pain what he desires, he will maintain position and become very vocal. A boy that keeps moving out of position is a sign that something is wrong. You are coming too hard too fast or maybe you are wrapping around.

Boy Jake will normally cry several times in a session with me. That shows me trust, but little else. When I look in his eyes and see pleading, submission, or a glassy stare, I know everything is as it should be. Should I see what I call the angry eyes, I know that something is not right.

Learning to read a submissive is a learned ability. You must practice and practice. Learning this ability will help you to go from a good Dominant to a great Dominant.