Surrender



This blog entry was written by my friend Sachiko. Here writings can be found at https://fetlife.com/users/110219.

I am going to use the terms Top and bottom for the sake of this posting, please understand that I mean for all power exchange designations, but I’m using those for simplicity sake.*

Anybody can submit. We do it all the time, Top, bottom, switch, Master, slave, submissive, you name it, occasionally we submit. We submit to society’s laws, to our own culture’s customs, to our boss, our partner, our parents etc…, shrugs, nothing extraordinary about that. I’m just not that impressed by the concept of submitting. It’s lovely but not EXTRAORDINARY, at least not for me.

Surrender is what I want to talk about today.

Surrender, that place that can only be achieved though absolute trust and devotion.

Surrender. Now that is a different thing entirely. The Webster definition most closely linked to the surrender I’m talking about is…to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand. I believe surrender is a beautiful thing, and being a switch I mean that in the sincerest terms possible from both a Top and a bottoms perspective.

I have been in service to a Top before now, in fact, more than once. I have been designated a submissive before as well as a slave. I have also been told I’m not a “submissive”, “slave”, “dominant”, “switch” etc… according to whoever was talking to me at the moment and according to whatever definition they held for those titles or according to how they felt about me at that time. Lucky me, the only definitions that matter to me, are the ones held by myself and those who either are in service to me, or who I am in service to, and hopefully you feel the same way. This post is not to win people over to my point of view, or to change anyone else’s point of view, it’s simply to voice something I’ve been thinking and feeling for a long time, your mileage, can and should vary.

Surrender, that amazing state I entered unintentionally, and was startled to find myself in. That state of being that upon first finding myself there, I didn’t even have a word to differentiate this from any place I had ever been while being in service ever before. One day I realized on my own (this was not a demand from my Sir, nor did it enter into our negotiations) that he would NOT get a “no” from me. I didn’t think about this ahead of time. I wasn’t thinking “if only there was some way I could show him how committed I am to him, how much I value his dominance etc…” Rather, what happened was, he ordered me to do something and I was so sure it was something I could not do successfully, I literally threw up. I will never forget I was in the middle of Wal mart shopping with a friend, got this direction on the phone, and ran to the bathroom and lost my breakfast. I was literally sick because I knew I could NOT do what he asked me to do. Please understand not that I wouldn’t do it, but that I couldn’t succeed at doing it. My answer to his direction was “Yes Sir” as always. He said do it, so I was going to do it, and I was going to fail. I was so surprised that I felt that way. I was shocked that it was so vital to me to obey no matter what. No matter what my personal opinion of the direction was, no matter what I thought my odds of success were, no matter what I thought following that direction was going to cost me personally, the answer was Yes Sir, no matter what. That was profound for me. Profound enough that internally I went… "what the heck was that all about?" Profound enough that we discussed it later and btw… when we discussed it and he heard my feelings about the direction, he did change the direction, my Master is NOT a bastard…lol but the point is, he didn’t have too. The fact that he’s a smart guy and heard some additional information about his decision that had a bearing on it and he modified his direction still didn’t change the fact that he was NOT going to get a no. That is the surrender I’m talking about.

Please understand, I am a Dominant, no question about it. My personality is that of a Dominant. This is true inside or outside the lifestyle. If I never had a power exchange relationship again the rest of my life, If I never darkened the door of a Dungeon, if I never attended another Leather function ever again, I am still a Dominant, forever, because that is how I am wired inside. Yet, I’m a slave, a fully surrendered slave to my Master. Master Z gets this concept, I think he is the first person I ever heard to articulate it, although I’m not sure even I understood it the first time he said,” I have all these slaves and not a submissive in the bunch, every last one of them is a Dominant.” Later, I gotcha Master Z, later I had my aha moment and that statement finally made sense to me. Please understand that it cost me personally to admit to myself that I was a slave. I have never liked that term, I have never felt that it applied to me, and I always thought that it would “cost’ me something precious somehow. I am however a surrendered slave to my Master, my own precious Sir. And I’m glad at last that I can say it… and it doesn’t cost me a thing. I’m still me, I’m still my dear boys Ma’am, I’m still the Dominant person that I am, I’m still the wanton slut, the devoted mom, the faith filled Christian, but I’m also His surrendered, owned property and that dear friends is a lovely, warm, safe, joy filled place to be!