Are you a Dominant or a Submissive?

I honestly thought that I had answered this question but several people online and in real life have asked it. It is really only complicated from the outside looking in. Spoiler alert! If you are new to BDSM, or a Master, a few things I have to say may shock and surprise. I am speaking about my experience in the BDSM world and it might not be the experience of your Dominant.

In all honesty, I come across as a Dominant to most people. My father was Navy and a military dominant force in my family. My mother was a Steel Magnolia that no one messed with. I learned my natural dominant outlook and presentation from them. At that same time, my brother and I both figured out early on that being subservient to their dominance was the only way to keep peace in the house. So, in a weird way, I also learned about my submissive side from them.

Dominance and submission is not the only thing in my head when a meet people, but I do size others up. I tend to be dominant to most people, not because of arrogance but because it is just my natural outlook. Every once in a while, I will meet a man that pushes my submissive buttons. This is why I label myself as a switch.

Although I am confident of my skills as a dominant, I do make mistakes. My two boys made that blatantly obvious to me. Being dominant is what gets my cock hard. Fucking someone hard and rough sends me over the edge. But, when it is all said and done, there is more to me than that. There is also the need to serve and worship another man. When I was younger, I used to think that I was alone. A wise older Dominant explained it to me this way. “There is the Kinsey Bell Curve Scale that places people on a spectrum between totally homosexual and totally heterosexual. Most people are not at the edges but somewhere in between. The same can be said of Dominance and submission. There are Total Dominants and total submissives, but most are in between.” As I got older I became aware that most Dominants search and find an outlet for their submissive sides. At the same times, BDSM relationships that last seem to have some way for the submissive to deal with their dominant sides.

In the end, we are all who we are. So, if you want to ask me the question at an event or in a bar, step back and look how I am reacting to you. Do you notice me staring at you? Do I call you by your first name? Do I look like I am undressing you with my eyes? Maybe I am in that military parade rest position respectfully listening and calling you Sir. I am blatantly obvious when I want to be one or the other. I am going to take you as you present yourself. Hopefully, you will do the same.

Vince