What do you need?

I wrote the “Are You a Dominant or submissive” blog to explain how both function in my life. I was not ready for the backlash. For future reference, I am not a heretic, wishy-washy, blathering idiot who is trying to destroy the Leather family and lifestyle. I was just trying to discuss how those two polar differences play out in my life. I spoke about my experience with other people in the same situation.

I am going to try to explain this in a metaphorical sense. As I have said before, these are just my thoughts on the topic and definitely not true of everybody. You can take them or leave them.

There is a bond that is built when a man places a collar around your neck. Obviously, you become his property, but there is more to it than that. I have been collared twice. Both of these men were and are men that I admire. This what drew me to them. Beyond the Dominance and play and sex, I wanted to learn from them.  The inspired me. I am obviously uncollared, and that says what it says. But there are certain realities about that bond that was created.

I cannot lie. After the uncollarings, I resented both of these men. I felt used and abused. It has caused me to question if I will ever put myself in that position again. With a little time, I hoped to forget both of them.

I have come to some realizations. Once a man has collared you, you carry him with you forever. You hear his voice, you see his face, you long for his smile of approval, and you remember his punishments and “discussions”. With each accomplishment that you make happen, you want to say, “Sir, look what I have done.” You want to thank him for teaching you that accomplishment is not an accident. With each failure, you want to apologize to him because he did not teach you disappointment. He refused to accept failure.

There are many times that I get tired of carrying these men around in my head. You want to backslide, take the easy way out, or just plain give up. Then you hear their voices, urging you to pick yourself back up, do what you know to do, and to never quit.

These thoughts are what I look for as a submissive. This is where I find joy in whatever I do for a Dominant. In a sense, they make me whole. I can be whole on my own but the journey isn’t near as much fun.