Aftercare

I have been discussing some of the multitude of ways to enjoy BDSM play and the Leather lifestyle. I realized last night after a very intense session as a submissive that I had not discussed one of the most important things involved in Dominant/submissive play: Aftercare.

If you are a new Dominant, read this very carefully. If you are a submissive, make sure that a Dominant allows for this. Aftercare is the process of attending to one another after intense feelings of a physical or psychological nature. The things that we do are exhausting and draining. After enjoying the endorphin rush and the intimacy of the play submissives require a coming down period.

The aftercare needed is determined by the needs of the submissive, the intensity and length of play, and the relationship between the two parties. Common aftercare practices include hugging, hair-stroking, cuddling, words of praise or gratitude, or general affirmation of an emotional bond between the Dominant and submissive. For me as a submissive, it can just be a rub on the head or a “good job” to a bear hug with me bawling like a baby for a period of time. The men I play with know my buttons and know exactly what to do. For a new set of players, it is wise for the submissive to be demonstrative about his needs.

A particularly effective aftercare for me is “shoulder time”. As a submissive, I do not initiate it, but a Dominant will either offer me their shoulder or one specifically tells me, “Boy, Shoulder”. I jump at the chance to bury my head in his shoulder and be comforted, consoled and cared for.

The important thing about aftercare is that you find what works for you. It is needed to bring the submissive and yes, the Dominant, back to the real world.