I am asked this question almost every day. It seems that a lot of people are looking for a magic pill or exercise to have the Dominants running to their door. The reality is that it will happen when it happens. In my experience, it happens at the strangest times. There are a few things that you can do to at least get yourself seen and talked about.
No matter where you live, there is always a city within three hours or so away. These almost always have a leather and kink community. They also have a bar that sponsor’s their leather clubs. It may be a leather bar or just a local hangout. Make a point to go at least once a month. Be friendly with the bartenders. Later on you can ask about people that do what you are looking for. Most bartenders will point you in the right direction.
Some cities have leather clubs or private parties to do the things that we do. If you are sociable and open about your wants, you will probably be invited to one. If it doesn’t fit your schedule be very upfront and tell the person that you cannot make it but would like to come to another one. If a person shows me no interest, I will not ask again. You do not have to play at these parties. These events allow you to see what is happening and ask questions. Never ask questions while a scene is happening, but wait until later in the social area to ask. Be upfront about you inexperience if you are inexperienced. Be honest when asked a question. The leather and kink communities are very close knit and a lie or the truth for that matter will travel.
Think about your limits. These are things that you have no interest in. People that want to play with you are normally very interested in these before they decide to play. Limits can change as you become more experience. This is to be expected.
There are also online communities that you can join for free and chat with and possible meet people through. A few that I am a member of are RECON, SPANKTHISHOOKUPS, and Man’s Hand Films Spank Chat. ( http://www.recon.com/ http://spankthishookups.com/ http://manshandfilms.com/chat/phpMyChat.php3 ) These groups can give you the experience of chatting with like-minded people. You also might have a meeting with them. Be prepared on the first two sites above. There are so people who are never interested in meeting but will setup play with you. They are called flakes. This can be very aggravating. Do not let it get you down. Keep trying.
These are a few of the ways to get noticed. The final one I would like to give is pretty straight forward; play. Even if your play is nothing like other people’s, it will show people that you are more than just talk. In the end, watching five minutes of play of a Dominant or a submissive is worth days of chatting. Taking these ideas and implementing them will assist you in your quest. Before you know it, that perfect person will present himself.
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