Normally, a submissive will start his relationship with a Master by focusing on service to the Master. The submissive will learn the protocol of the Master, the Master’s wants and desires, and the Master’s idiosyncrasies. The submissive uses these to serve the Master to his utmost ability. The problem comes when the Master’s critiques a portion of the submissive’s service. Because the submissive has put all he has into the service of the Master, he feels personally attacked. The critique is taken as a critique of the submissive, his abilities, and his motives. This can have devastating consequences on the submissive and the relationship between the Master and the submissive.
Let me use an example to highlight my point. The Master desires a clean kitchen. The submissive knows this and washes and wipes everything down. He makes sure the dishes are washed and put away. He sweeps and mops the floor until it is sparkling. When the Master comes home, he critiques the way in which the dishes are put away. The submissive is humiliated and demoralized.
First, the Master is completely able of doing anything he desires with his submissive. He has chosen to correct something that is not done to his standard. Most Masters would be and are shocked to find out how a similar critique affects their submissives. The submissive feels what he feels. If the overall issues is not dealt with, the Master will become more and more critical and the submissive will spiral down into deep depression.
Another way to approach serving a Master is by being constantly aware of the submissive’s love of the Master. If the submissive serves the Master because of his love of the Master, a critique becomes just a critique. It in no way diminishes or belittles the submissive’s love of the Master. Starting with love of the Master, the submissive welcomes instruction, punishment, and praise. The love is unchanged.
Returning to the example, the Master critiques the way in which the dishes are put away. Focusing on the love of the Master. The submissive learns how his actions came up short and learns to complete the cleaning, as the Master desires.
These are issues I have had to deal with as a Dominant and as a submissive. It is sometimes very difficult for me to remember that all I do is because of the desire of the Master. I use a mantra to help remind me. I have found that this allows my service to Master to grow. Does Master like the way I do things? Not always. But hearing his critique does not cause me emotional pain. I am going to close this blog with a prayer that helps to focus me on the love of Master:
The submissive's Prayer
Allow me the strength to answer questions I can't fathom.
Allow me the spirit to know His needs.
Allow me the kindness to choke back retorts.
Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace.
Allow me the love to show Him myself.
Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him.
Allow me the light to show us the way.
Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him.
Let me be able to show Him each day my love of my service to Him.
Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him.
Let my eyes show Him the same respect, rather I sit at His side, or kneel at His feet.
Let me accept my punishment with grace and strength.
Let me learn to please Him, beyond myself.
Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely.
Give me the strength to please us both.
Permit me to love myself, in loving Him.
Allow me the peace of serving Him.
For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to make His life complete, as He makes mine.
"Copyright 1996 TheScreamer"
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